Why this is all happening

I am very nearly 26 years old… closer to 30 than 20 and living a pretty traditional life so far (though I must say I feel as if I have reached this stage of life a little faster than many of my peers!). I have one lovely toddler and one very chilled out baby. Happily married to a very ginger gardener and currently attempting to be a homemaker and semi-decent mother.

So what is the problem?!

Problem is, I have never been so good at deciding what I want to be or do (other than being a parent). I’ve tried law and I’ve tried teaching… I’ve played the saxophone and I’ve played the piano… I’ve attended a few classes in french and a few classes in german…

Then, in the midst of all of this, I had my own children and WOWSA – how amazing it is.

But fast forward two years and  I’m already starting to think ahead because, well, kids grow up and these questions inside of me are beginning to stir again. I just cannot shake it… What do I want to do or be when I grow up? Or should I change that to when the kids grow up? (Still feel like a child myself most of the time) What do I enjoy and what can I commit to as a passion?

So what have I decided?

This all, of course, could be seen as bit of an identity crisis and thus I have been looking at my identity.  Other than a mother and wife (both very important to me!), what do I see myself as?

Well, two things jumped out:

  • English (or Essex to be more precise) stemming from my Mum’s side of the family
  • And then, depending on what day of the week you ask my father, Lebanese or Arabic or Palestinian… or some other nationality that I cannot even spell or verbalise.

Now I have never really spent time connecting with my Middle Eastern culture. Living in England and speaking little Arabic makes that difficult. So, after watching ‘Julie and Julia’ I have decided on a project.

Yep. I am going to cook my way through the middle eastern cook book, ‘Olives, lemons and Za’atar,’ by Rawia Bishara.

Now, in no way do I see this as a decision about my career but what I do know is that I love cooking and I am hoping it will be an experience that can help me find some direction, help me connect with part of my heritage that I haven’t explored yet and get my brain ticking away in the late hours of the evening when the kids are in bed.


So what is the plan?

This should involve cooking around two recipes a week but more if I feel like it. That way I should finish within a year. I will then aim to blog about my experiences.

So, off we go! And this week I have chosen to cook the following

  1. Rice and Vermicelli Pilaf
  2. Eggs and Za’atar

Wish me luck!


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